Infidelity: The Cheating Wife Syndrome

Infidelity is the violation of a couples’ assumed or stated contract regarding emotional and sexual exclusivity. It is an act or fact of having a romantic, emotional or sexual relationship with someone other than your husband, wife or partner. Infidelity can involve outright sexual involvement or emotional involvement with someone else apart from your spouse. However, emotional infidelity will ultimately lead to sexual contact in most cases. Male infidelity is more common but in recent times it has been discovered that the “cheating wife syndrome” is gradually gaining ground. From observations, 20% of wives have had sex outside of their marriage while about 50%  are involved in emotional infidelity. Emotional infidelity occurs when you begin to share deep personal information or feelings about yourself with another man. He becomes your “friend”. You are not sleeping with him yes we know but it’s only a matter of time before sex comes into the picture.

Most women are often  more comfortable sharing on an emotional level with a man they consider a “friend”. With time the emotions deepens and things start to heat up and sexual contact becomes inevitable. So baby girl, if you look forward everyday to your chats with a certain man other than your man either on the phone, the internet, work place or business place then you can be considered to be a cheating wife. It is not  until you have physical sex with him because this will ultimately come to pass as your emotions deepen.

I know these are harsh words but we do need to tell ourselves the truth. I know it is really difficult not to be emotionally attached to someone else when your man is hardly ever home and when he is around he doesn’t even know how to meet your emotional needs. Then you meet a new guy who is ready to listen to you pour your heart out, seems to have genuine concern for you, like the kind of things you like and makes you feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. Most men hardly ever tell their wives these simple words “I love you”. They prefer to tell their girlfriends that. They don’t have any pet name for their wives but they call their girlfriends “sweetheart”, “sweetie mi”, “my love” and the wife at home knows about this. They hardly call home to talk to the wife while at the office even when they left her in the morning feeling quite sick (don’t you know how busy I am at the office? he says). But they spend long hours on the phone with girlfriends during the same office hours. Yes some women have seemingly legitimate reasons to seek emotional release outside their marriage but these reasons shouldn’t make you an adulteress.  This brings us to the question:

WHY DO WOMEN CHEAT?

Generally, most women who  cheat do so because they crave emotional satisfaction. Sincerely quite a lot of women are enduring rather than enjoying their marriage. Our society expects a woman to remain married no matter what so instead of divorce many prefer to get emotional satisfaction elsewhere and remain in the marriage. A woman  shared this with me recently. “I’m tempted to have an affair. Please pray with me so that I don’t fall. My husband treats me like a piece of furniture. We hardly spend time together. He claims to be too busy. He works in another state so comes home twice in a month. There’s no excitement about his coming home because he’s just no fun to be with. I met this man at the  car wash about three months ago. We met there a few more times after that and we exchanged numbers. He is so caring and has been so helpful. He is everything my husband is not.”  Well the fact is she is already having an affair she just doesn’t know it.

Loneliness is a big factor responsible for infidelity in women. They just need someone to fill their emotional void. This category of women start the affair unwittingly by sharing and talking with “the other man”.  With time emotions heat up and this lead to sex.

Some women have affairs in order to get back at their husbands. Yes you caught him red-handed yet he did not show any remorse. He told you to go to blazes. He didn’t care about how much he has hurt so you seek revenge. But this is totally wrong. Just because he is having affairs doesn’t mean you should. You will hurt him definitely but you will hurt yourself more. Don’t let a man’s actions push you into becoming just like him.

Some have affairs because they just want more sex. This category of women are addicted to sex so no matter how much the man tries to please them, they can never be faithful. These set of women have deep rooted psychological problems. They are most likely to have been sexually abused. This is a topic for some other time.

Some women married just too early usually to a far older man and more often the man will be unable to sustain the sexual needs of his young wife for a long period of time. Imagine a 17 year old girl married to  a 37 year old man. By the time she is 30 he’ll be 50 and his sexual prowess would have greatly diminished. She on the other hand is just getting into her sexual maturity. (Women are said to attain their highest sexuality around age 40 and above).

Another reason for increase in the number of cheating wives is due to what is known as “male poaching” in some  circles. This is a situation whereby a man single or married lures a married woman or one who is in a serious relationship into an affair. The goal is the satisfaction derived from conquering another man’s territory. (Sickos!) The men involved in male poaching do not date single girls. They are attracted to women that belong to someone else. This trend is really gaining ground and the men involved are usually wealthy men seeking the satisfaction of bedding other people’s wives. It makes them feel superior to the husband. It is likely the “poacher” knows the husband which enables him to have background information such as movement and net worth. He knows the wife is probably lonely or cash strapped. He tries to cash in on any vulnerability he can pick up showing affections and giving support to the woman.

It is natural to desire attention and affections from another man  who seems to care for you when the rightful man failed to meet these cravings. But are you ready for the consequences? Is your secret lover worth the problems infidelity will create for you? If you have children have you considered the effects your actions may have on your future relationship with them? They are young. They don’t know anything you say.  Well don’t fool yourself. I heard a story about an old woman who is living in poverty while the children she gave birth to (three males) are quite rich. People started criticizing them and the first child had to open up. He said when they were young their mother was neck deep in adultery. She brought her lover home on several occasions when their dad was away thinking they were too young to know what was going on. She was wrong. She eventually abandoned them. The dad tried to care for them for a while on his own  and it was not easy. He said they really suffered. Their dad eventually remarried and their step-mum was such a blessing. She gave them the motherly love they had longed for for so long. He said he made up his mind to recognize only this woman as his mother and never to have anything to do with his biological mother if she eventually shows up.

Lady, is the guy you are dating worth losing the respect and love of your children? You think they don’t know what’s going on but you will be surprised that they do and won’t forget. Male children are naturally more attached to their mothers and have special love for them so when you hurt them it runs  pretty deep. The special love turns to deep hatred and you may never win your son’s love back.

Yes you have your reasons for having or for planning to have an affair. Some women gave the following reasons. “My husband doesn’t show me any affection. He takes me for granted” “My husband doesn’t pay attention to me. I am so lonely” “My husband doesn’t treat me nicely. He makes love to me as if I don’t have any value. No foreplay nothing. I feel so violated everytime he touch me” “My husband doesn’t say nice things to me. You know those sweet nothings. He makes me  feel worthless” “My husband is so stingy. He will never part with a dime. The other guy is the opposite. All I need to do is ask and he gives” “He is my helper (alaanu mi ni.) My husband does not meet my financial needs. ” But these reasons are just feeble excuses if you ask me. Affairs don’t offer anything positive. There are lots of women who are going through worse situations in their marriages yet they didn’t turn into the arms of another man.  For women seeking revenge through affairs, it’s not worth it baby girl so just stop it.

Most men may actually never know that their wives had or are having an affair. Men can be so blind to these things. But if your wife doesn’t seem to care who you date it is likely she is getting “TLC” from someone else. The reason she won’t complain about your affair is because she needs it to justify her own actions. The reverse is the case with men. Men tend to be unnecessarily suspicious of their wives when they are having affairs. It is usually quite difficult for a man to know his wife is having an affair because subconsciously a man will prefer not to process the fact that his wife would want to be with someone else no matter how she is treated. She has been conquered, sealed, signed and delivered. Admitting that his wife is having an affair is like admitting he is not man enough to keep his main conquest. I have seen cases that are so glaring and I was expecting the husband to take action yet he did nothing. A man’s ego is very fragile and admitting that someone else is having physical/ sexual contact with his wife is not something he can not handle. That is why it is safer for him not to ‘see’ it. When he finds out that his wife is cheating on him the consequences may be disastrous for all. Wife, infidelity hurts a man’s ego, it hurts the very essence of his life as a man. That is why a man finds it difficult to admit to the world that his wife is cheating on him especially if he truly loves her.

There’s no excuse for infidelity ladies no matter how you look at it. Wife, you are the lifeline of that home. Your actions affect your home and your children. First, if you cheat on your husband, chances are that your daughter will be a cheating wife too because she would have learnt from you. Secondly, when you sleep with another man, you are joined in the spirit with him so whatever negative spiritual aura he has is transferred to you and you import this into your home. A lot of people do not know that sex is more spiritual than physical. That is why many homes where infidelity reign supreme are constantly battling spiritual attacks such as lack, sickness, ill-luck etc.  I may be wrong but I noticed that the husbands of cheating wives usually have financial problems. Ladies, infidelity is like pressing the self-destruct botton. It’s just not worth it.

I will like to admonish husbands not to give room for their wives to cheat on them. A woman told me that her husband hasn’t touched her for 8 months. If this woman does not have self-control she would have sought emotional release somewhere else. Treat your wife the way you would treat your girlfriend and she won’t look at another man. Unlike men, it takes a while before a normal woman succumbs to infidelity because they tend to think harder and longer before taking such decisions. However, there are some very ‘abnormal’ women who go into adultery deliberately for financial and material gain. They know their husbands can’t afford certain things but they just must have it at all cost so they date other men for cash. Some date their boss for promotion at work. My dear, you may think you are the smartest woman on earth enjoying the best of both worlds today but have you heard of the word NEMESIS? It will surely catch up with you someday. So sisters, stop this dirty and demeaning trend. You are making other women lose respect in the eyes of men. You are better than that. Be a good example of your gender.

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